The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: 'Okay!
I'm a rabbit!
I'm a rabbit!'
Engelsman vraagt aan een Chinees;
'How many times do you have elections'?
Zegt de Chinees;
Why is six affraid for seven?
Because seven eight nine.
When I was a baby I play with toys, Now I'm a big girl I play with boysStem
Een pasgetrouwde, Engelse vrouw merkt pas tijdens de huwelijksnacht dat haar echtgenoot gehandicapt is: hij heeft maar een voet!
Direct stuurt ze een bericht naar haar moeder: 'My husband has got only one foot!'
Binnen het uur ontvangt ze 'Be glad, my dear.
Your father only has five inches!'
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The blond replies.....'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?
I have a girlfriend her name is Grace she broke my heart I broke her FACEStem
The story of the horse, the chicken and the BMW!
There was a chicken and a horse playing together in a barn yard, suddenly the horse falls into a mud pit.
He yells to the chicken, 'Go get the farmer, save me, save me!'
The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him.
So he gets the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassos the horse, ties it to the car and pulls him out.
The horse says, 'Thank you, Thank you, I owe you my life...'
Then a couple days later they are playing there again and this time the chicken falls into the mud pit and the chicken says, 'Help me.
Go get the farmer!'
So the horse says, 'No No, No, I think I can get you.'
The horse stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, 'Grab onto my dick.'
The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, and the horse saves the chickens life.
So what's the moral of the story ?
If you have a dick the size of a horse, then you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks !'
Overheard by United Airlines Pilot on landing at Frankfurt Airport: NOTE: Britiah Airways planes are known as Speedbird on the airwaves......
Speedbird: 'Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206, clear of the active.'
Ground: 'Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.'
The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground (brusquely): 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'
Speedbird: 'Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now.'
Ground (with typical German impatience): 'Speedbird 206, have you never been to Frankfurt before?'
Speedbird (coolly): 'Yes, several times in 1944, but I didn't stop'
Little birdy in the sky, dropped a poopy in my eye, I wasn't mad, I didn't cry, I just thank god that cows can't fly!Stem